DEAR MOTHER-IN-LAW


I have been reading books and blogs on marriages and family life consistently for the last 2 years. One of the websites I visit often is http://www.familylife.com/. I discovered that a lot of women have had to deal with different issues in marriage and no marriage is really perfect. In marriage, love is just not enough and it takes tolerance to make a marriage really work (my own opinion, though). Families deal with issues such as Infidelity, Finances, 
In-laws, fertility issues, self-discovery, the death of a spouse, drug abuse, lack of support from spouse, the list is endless.

In marriage, I have dealt with a few of the above myself. But today, I pretty much want to address one of those issues. This post is a letter to my mother in law. I would like to think that the mother in law should be understanding since she probably had to go through some of the challenges we face today ourselves as married women. Sometimes I just think they are over protective of their sons (I don't blame them though, who wouldn't?). However, I do think there needs to be boundaries set in place if a daughter in law wants to enjoy her marriage to a certain degree. So here we go!!!


Dear Mother-In-Law,

 I loved you right from the very start and still do but we need to straighten some issues out.

1) IF YOU TRAINED YOUR SON RIGHT, THEN YOU NEED TO LET HIM MAKE DECISIONS OF HIS OWN
  • You are no longer the primary Influence in your son's life. Genesis 2:24 states that a man would leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the 2 shall become ONE FLESH. 
  • Please allow your son to make his own decisions (When he does, do not think he was cajoled to do so by his wife. She might be innocent and you just probably didn't know how far your son could go with decision making).
  • Please help him build his marriage and not to tear it down.
  • Don't fight for position by grasping and grabbing for your son's time and affection (You are his mother and that will never change, But we must understand that he is a married man now and has to share his time with you and his family).
2) LEARN TO PRAY FOR ME AND YOUR OTHER CHILDREN-IN- LAW
When you criticize everything I do, rather than seek for ways to make us all a family, you are destroying the home. The bible says a good woman builds her home. Please ask God to show you how to love me like your own daughter.

3) FAMILIES FIGHT, BUT THEY LOOK FOR WAYS TO RESOLVE IT. You can do so lovingly and in a constructive manner rather than curse and fight. You always make it he said/she said/you said/they said and it needs to stop.

4)REMEMBER THAT YOUR SON HAS ALWAYS HAD HIS FAULTS AND FLAWS BEFORE I MET HIM.
You portray me bad to everyone when you know the real problem is your son. You criticize me at the slightest opportunity and forget that I actually did try to make your son a better person. Don't expect me to miraculously fix your son if you couldn't. We should do it as a family.

5) LEARN TO ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM, I AM DIFFERENT FROM YOU.
I am not perfect, but a good mother in law shouldn't make me feel like I don't measure up. Every time you say you wish you made a better choice, it breaks my heart. But, you really can not change anything now, you just have to learn to love me.

6) LASTLY, LEARN TO BE UNDERSTANDING.
Never assume that you know why I did or said something as your assumption tends to be mean and negative. Always ask questions so you can understand and please don't say mean things to me (I have become immune to the mean things you say and they don't hurt as much as they use to).

I made you my second mother but you let me down. You treat me like a daughter-in-law and like thrash but I hope one day you realize that I was really a blessing to your family.

Signed by 

Your Daughter-In-Law.



P.S  if you experienced similar issues with Mother-In-Laws please feel free to share your comments as anonymous in the comment section so others can learn from your experience. Please remember to always put God at the center of your Marriage.



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